Defying the Inner Predator
Saying "no thank you" to the voice that keeps us stuck.
Does the voice in your head sound like the ghost of your trauma?
I'm here today to talk to you about defying our inner predator.
What's our inner predator, you ask?
Our inner predator is the voice that trauma uses to speak. You may also have heard it called the inner critic. It might have learned to speak to you with disdain, with lies about your worthiness or loveability, with endless pressure to be perfect. Whatever it's saying, it doesn't have your best interests at heart.
Some things the inner predator might tell you:
"You're lazy if you rest or take a break."
"You need to prove your worth through perfectionism."
"No one will ever love you."
"You are broken, damaged, and will never get better."
"Your ideas are ridiculous and your dreams will never come true."
The inner predator is the opposite of the true self or capital S Self I’ve learned about from studying parts work. Our true Self knows we are worthy of good things. Our higher Self knows we are powerful and capable, even if we don’t always have the energy or motivation. Our true Self knows that just by being human, we are worthy of love and goodness.
The inner predator might have learned its language from your abusers, oppressors, or real-life predators. Is there anyone in your life that taught you to speak to yourself in this way? Does your inner predator repeat their sentiments exactly, or did it put a new twist on it?
For example, my inner predator learned how to speak from my abusive ex.
He told me I was worthless. He told me I was stupid. He told me I was a piece of shit.
So for a long time after I left him, although my true Self knew I left him because those things he said to me weren’t true, my inner predator kept saying them to me, over and over again.
I would be safe from my inner predator when I was doing well - making strides and accomplishing goals. But the second I made a mistake, disappointed someone or felt unsure, BOOM the inner predator was back to remind me how horrible I was.
I didn't understand that the shameful voice of the inner predator was merely the ghost of my ex still lingering in my head. I thought it was just me. I thought I was broken, hopeless, and a lost cause. I had no idea what to do with this voice in my head, either.
As I continued down the healing journey, I started being able to unpack those harsh ideas from my inner predator and realize that they weren't true. But did I banish the inner predator altogether? No. He still speaks to me.
For a long time, the inner predator told me to be afraid. Very afraid. Be afraid to use my voice, to speak up for myself, to share my story with the world. All things my true Self was calling for. I wanted the fear to go away, but it wouldn't.
I learned that defying the inner predator is not about making it or its messages disappear, it's about learning to relate to them in a new way.
What does this look like?
First, it looks like awareness. Noticing. What are your thoughts like? How do you speak to yourself? Where did you learn how to talk to yourself in this way? And who benefits from you following the instructions of those thoughts?
For example, if my thoughts sound like, "If I speak out and share my story, something bad will happen. People won't believe me, or think I'm looking for attention." I might unpack them and realize there is someone who benefits from me playing small and staying silent. Not just my abusive ex, but all the oppressors everywhere. When survivors use their voices and speak up, that powerful act changes the world. That is a HUGE threat to those who abuse and oppress.
My inner predator is not just some magical voice in my head. It was developed for a reason, and this is important: to keep me SAFE.
In the past, I had to listen to my abuser and do what he said, or the consequences were more, worse abuse. I had to listen to him to stay safe. So my inner predator was developed to keep me safe.
When I look at my inner predator in this way, it allows the second step of relating to it in a new way to take place. When I see that my inner predator might have been developed as a way to keep me safe, I can look to it with compassion, or at least acceptance and understanding. I can say "thank you, but no thank you". I can say "Wow, my inner predator is really loud right now. What am I missing? What do I need to feel safe or connected?”
A lot of fear can come up when we go to make changes in our lives to heal our trauma or follow the desires of our true Self. Our brain is terrified of what it doesn't understand, of what isn't familiar. Fear is okay. Fear makes sense. Fear is also really challenging to work with.
If your inner predator has something to say to you, I invite you to see it for what it truly is. It is NOT you. It is not an indication of who YOU are. It is something you internalized because in the past, following this voice might keep you safe.
I invite you to defy your inner predator by saying “no thank you” to its demands. By giving yourself the love and care that the very real predator would never want you to have. By being gentle with yourself in the process.
Journal prompts for dealing with our inner predator:
Write down the thoughts and feelings you are having first. Don't hold back.
Then - here are some prompts for inquiring deeper with them:
"Who taught me to believe these things/where did I learn this?"
"Is this true? Can I prove this is always true?"
"Who benefits from me believing this about myself or acting in accordance with this idea?"
"Can I show myself care and support as I face this emotion/fear/struggle?"
"I can defy my inner predator by doing this (ex. loving myself, taking a break, going for it, asking for help).... instead of this (ex. hating myself, pushing myself past my limits, staying silent, being too ashamed to ask for help)...."
I hope these are helpful and soothing for you.
Searching for healing and developing your own self-care are amazing ways of defying the inner predator. You're doing a great job.
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