Survivors, Your Pain Matters.

Words I need to hear right now. Maybe you do too.

Back in late 2018, I began to create a platform on Instagram based on sharing my experiences of being a survivor of trauma: namely, an abusive relationship that left me with CPTSD.

Since then, I’ve been committed to writing and sharing words for other survivors. But so much of what I share is based on things I needed to hear in the past, or present. When you get hundreds of thousands of people following your page all about trauma and abuse recovery, you get a new perspective on just how many people can relate to you.

So, in our new post-election era here in the United States, I’ve been trying to remember that I’m not alone and that the words I need to hear right now may be words I can offer to my community of survivors. So here they are.

Survivors of abuse and assault,

Your pain matters.

The memories you have matter. The experiences you’ve gone through matter. They were not okay. You did not deserve to be mistreated, violated, and exploited. How these experiences have impacted you makes so much sense.

Your body remembers what it’s like to have no power, no choice, no agency. To be trapped, to be stuck, to be hopeless. You have seen the depths of the human experience. You have been in the darkness. You know what it means to be powerless. You know how hard it was to survive that.

There is no moral imperative to “forgive and forget” or to be any less impacted than you are by what you’ve been through, or by the world you live in. You are not failing if you are hurting.

If you’ve become hardened and armored against connection, I see the ways that protecting yourself has become the most important thing. Your anger and walls are not a character defect.

If you feel tremendously soft and fragile, like you can’t stop crying, like the entire world is terrifying, that makes so much sense, too. You are not crazy or hysterical. You remember. The intensity of your feelings is not a character defect.

If you’re numb to most things, disconnected or dissociated, I understand that the world feels like too much to be present with. Of course it does. This is another way our bodies try to keep us safe. Your disconnection is not a character defect.

No matter where you’re at mentally or emotionally right now, I promise, you make sense.

Personally, I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do right now. I’ve been sharing online for so long, but my soul feels weary by the prospect of having a target on my back if I try to speak up. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to debate my own bodily autonomy. I don’t want to defend my despair.

What I want to do is continue to create the spaces to engage with my fellow survivors. To hold space. To help you reconnect to your body, mind, and soul. To help you feel less alone, less broken for being a human being who’s been through something.

I desperately want to live in a world where survivors of abuse and assault feel safe, supported, and believed. It doesn’t feel that way right now. I can’t fix that on my own, but I will continue to do my part to help us all find pockets of community, and care, and love.

I know one of my go-to strategies for coping with abuse was self-destruction. This lasted with me long after the abuse ended; the urge is still with me today. I am doing what I can to not turn the pain I feel towards myself. I am doing my best to choose in each moment to express how I’m feeling without hurting myself. To reach instead for pen, or paint, or pillow, or crochet hook, or book, or, yes, sometimes 2-hour TikTok food creator binges. But most of all, I’m doing my absolute best to connect with people who get it, who can see my pain and not try to correct it or debate it away.

I hope you have people in your life you feel safe around, people you can be your authentic self with. You deserve it, now and always.

No matter how you’re feeling right now, I hope you know you truly are not alone. I don’t have any optimism or “it’s going to be okay” to offer you right now. I only have the knowledge that for now, the trees still stand. The water still flows. The animals still scurry about. The sun still shines and the rain still falls. And there are still good people out there, fighting for a better world. There are still people out there who refuse to turn their pain into a weapon against others, who refuse to oppress or traumatize another human being. There is still kindness, and friendship, and love.

There is still goodness out there. I hope you can feel it.

In the U.S., if you or someone you know is in crisis, you can contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988. This is a free, confidential hotline available 24/7 for anyone needing support.

If you’re not in crisis, but are looking for trauma-informed support right now, you can learn more about my somatic coaching here.

If you’re looking to join a warm, global community of trauma survivors, check out my membership group, Blooming Together, here.

Wishing you warmth, safety, and softness, today and always,

Emmy