Ask Emmy Anything: My Wedding Edition

Sharing the story of our wedding and answering your questions.

Hello everyone! On today’s post I’m going to be sharing a recap of our wedding day, as well as answering your questions. In the future I’m going to be answering questions from paid subscribers, but as I just started this blog and only have 1 so far, I asked my audience on Instagram!

Submitted questions this post will answer:

• Did you feel ‘present’ on your big day?

• Did you feel your nervous system change in a significant way?

• Did you recognize any behavioral patterns that would prevent you from feeling it deeply?

• Were you at all triggered during the wedding day?

• What was your biggest fear or worry related to the wedding?

• How did you manage going through this big life event about you and your partner with the trauma and memory of other people hovering over your shoulder?

• Does this still sometimes feel like it isn’t “supposed” to be how things ended up? Like your life was supposed to take this certain path? Even though its far better than before?

I LOVE these questions. Let’s do it.

At the end, I’ll also share our wedding video and some extra photos I haven’t shared on IG for paid subscribers!

To begin, let me share some basics of the day.

I got married to my now-husband, Luke, on October 5th, 2023 in Hood River, Oregon. Our 7 year dating anniversary was September 30th, and we got engaged October 2nd, 2022, so Libra season is kind of our jam. It was an absolutely GORGEOUS day, about 75 degrees and sunny. We spent the morning together on a short hike with our dog, Bernie, then got coffee and baked goods and spent some time in our Airbnb’s hot tub.

on our morning hike

At around noon, 4 of my closest friends arrived to get ready with me, while Luke headed out with his buddies. I did my own hair and makeup (with help from my friends), we snacked, sang, danced, chatted, and took photos together. They got us all adorable matching PJs and a white robe for me, which made me feel so loved. Then, it was time to head to the venue.

Upon arriving, I put on my dress, and Luke and I got our portraits taken together and with family and friends. I hid in the small bridal suite at the venue for a bit while all the guests arrived (around 80 people), and then it was time. From up on the balcony, I watched everyone walk down the aisle, and then began my descent down a set of stairs, meeting my Dad at the bottom who walked me down the aisle. I met Luke at the altar, and the most BEAUTIFUL ceremony I could have ever dreamed of took place, officiated by one of my best friends who I’ve been close to since Kindergarten. Overlooking Mt. Hood, we said our own vows, and Luke’s were SO beautiful and moving.

i was lucky enough to have friends take film photos of us. so grateful!

The rest of the night was a blur of JOY: so many hugs, smiles, fun conversations, yummy food and drinks, and of course, LOTS of dancing. If you didn’t know, I’m a huge fan of dancing, especially at weddings, and I curated my playlists to go from family friendly 70’s hits, to the more rowdy 2000s-today pop hits heard at middle school dances and clubs nationwide. It was so, so much fun.

there were a total of 7 disposable cameras at the wedding. HIGHLY recommend.

If I had to choose my favorite part, it would be the ceremony. I felt so connected to Luke and to the words written by us and our officiant to honor our story and celebrate our love. I loved saying my vows and listening to Luke say his. And I LOVED being surrounded by (nearly) all of my favorite people.

With that, let’s get into your questions!

Let’s address this question first, because it’s one of my biggest reflections after the wedding:

Did you feel ‘present’ on your big day?

Short answer: YES. Miraculously, yes.

For a very very long time, one of my biggest intentions for my healing process and mental health has been accessing PRESENCE. There are many ways trauma has impacted my life, and a huge one has been living in a perpetual state of focusing on the future or feeling hijacked by the past.

Over the years, I’ve made a lot of progress. I touch the present moment more and more; I slowly learn to savor it. But when it came to our wedding day, I didn’t expect what happened: I was really, fully there.

I was present.

Continuing with that theme, let’s answer this question:

Were you at all triggered during the wedding day?

Honestly, I wasn’t. Which is WILD to write here and know it’s true.

Leading up to the wedding, I had devoted a significant amount of time and energy to planning. Despite the care I put into the preparation for the big day, there were so many aspects I knew I couldn't fully control. Namely, my mental and physical health.

But I am supremely grateful to share with you that on the big day, I never got flooded by feelings of stress or fear or irritation. The anxiety I felt was akin to butterflies - mostly excitement with some tolerable nerves. I was able to be where we were - with each other, surrounded by the love of the community who did so much to make this day happen. I was able to look in Luke’s eyes and hold his hands and hear his (INCREDIBLE) vows.

I was able to dance and chat and speak and frolic around without the burden of the past telling me to hide or run.

I think a big part of this was having really strong boundaries and a phenomenal support system on the big day. My friends knew I wanted to have as low stress of a day as possible, and I built the day around that. I had a chill morning with Luke, a lot of fun getting ready with the gals, and I’m lucky to say having the ceremony in front of 80 people didn’t flood my nervous system. Grateful grateful grateful.

Let’s continue on with this question:

Did you recognize any behavioral patterns that would prevent you from feeling it deeply?

YES. You best believe that from a mental-health perspective, I heavily prepared for this day, because I knew there were lots of chances that this would be an overstimulating and even triggering day. Specifically, I knew I needed to delegate tasks and offload a LOT of decision making. Idk about you, but for me, being a bride meant everyone had a LOT of questions for me, all the time. About decor, the flow of the day, where to stay, how to get there, what I was doing all weekend, etc etc etc. It felt like I was constantly having to make a decision or figure something out, whereas Luke wasn’t asked for nearly as much (I could go on a feminist rant here but I’m not in the mood, lol.)

One thing about me, though, is I kind of love planning. I’m also not too bad at making decisions, if I do say so myself. Yet, there’s a limit to all of this. And I knew that while making all these decisions for months in advance was one thing, making them the day of my wedding was another. I knew that if I was overwhelmed with inquiries, I wouldn’t be able to feel the day deeply, period. I would get overstimulated, and fly into irritation, anxiety, and finally dissociation. I was determined to not let this be my experience on my day, and did what I could to prevent it.

I also knew that drinking before the ceremony wasn’t gonna work for me. It would take me at least a little bit out of my body, and I didn’t want that at all. I stuck to water and diet coke until a post-ceremony tequila shot, and I’m so glad I did.

Another thing I foresaw was feeling anxious or frustrated with not being with Luke for most of the day. He’s the most grounding person in my life, and it was our wedding day, and I knew that not being with him in the morning wouldn’t be a good choice for me. I’m so glad we got to spend the whole morning together pre-wedding chaos.

Did you feel your nervous system change in a significant way?

To be honest, no! And I think that’s mostly because I was truly in a generally regulated + some tolerable nerves / excited state for most of the day. I felt energized, in the moment, and connected to both Luke and the people around me. I had access to a feeling of safety, despite being nervous. Have I said it enough yet how freaking grateful I am?!? Very much so.

What was your biggest fear or worry related to the wedding?

• Okay y’all, to read rest of the answers to the questions I listed at the beginning and watch our wedding video/see more photos, you can become a paying subscriber. If not, all good! I hope you enjoyed this look into our big day.